Inner peace...something I haven't always had and never realized I didn't have until I had it. This was a very unusual experience for me. I've always been strong, driven, confident, smart. I though I was everything I needed to be, most of the time. Of course, we all have moments of insecurity, doubt, fear, etc. For the most part, the good things far out weighed the bad and I thought I was just fine. The only thing that held me back was an anxiety disorder which I saw as a nascence most of the time. After years of therapists, psychologists, medications, and no real results, I was blessed with one last psychologist. This woman was amazing. She was different. I saw a light and spirit in her that I don't see in many people. I opened up to her about all I am, all I do, all of me. In return, this woman starting introducing me to different coping mechanisms different from any other I've experienced or known. As we progressed, I realized the practices that worked best for me were rooted in Buddhism. At that point, I started studying Buddhism and eventually became a Buddhist. Not only did practicing Buddhism almost eliminate my anxiety, without drugs, but it opened my mind, heart and spirit. I realize I was missing a piece to the puzzle and didn't even know it. I can now say I have true inner peace, the missing tool. I have Buddhism and Diana, the psychologist I was blessed with by my higher power to thank.
When I say love, I'm talking about more than simply giving and receiving love to and from others. I'm thinking on a deeper level. How I treat people, my thoughts, my actions, I want love to be in all I do. I realized that if you put a little love in what you do, big things happen. I practiced treating people whom I find difficult, annoying and mean with love. I have to admit that when I first put this into practice, it wasn't will my full heart and for selfish reasons only. I was working on myself and only went through the motions while biting my tongue when attempting to deal with people with love. It didn't take long to realize that I was getting positive results when I faking it. I began to wonder, what if I did it for real? What if I really put my heart and spirit into treating people with love? I gave it a try, still not at 100%, and the results were more amazing. I now put my heart and spirit in my interactions with my fellow humans. The thing I don't do is always do it 100%, with my full heart and spirit. My goal with love in to get closer to 100%, even with the difficult people that I have decided I don't care for.
I have found acceptance to be the easiest thing to do. I learned a long time ago that if I accept people for all they are, I have less dislike for them. I don't have to like them or agree with all they do, say feel, think, etc. I just accept that they are who they are. After I accept them in full, I can make a decision to keep them in my little world or peacefully remove them. I have a clearer mind, I can make the decision to keep or remove them without regret, wonder or looking back. The key to acceptance is to accept without bias. If I don't accept anyone without bias, I can never be truly accepting of them. Without accepting others as a whole, for all they all, I can never know them for all they all and make a good decision about keeping them in my world or removing them from it. Part of removing someone is removing them without anger, resentment or any negative feelings for them, it's simply letting them go and moving on. Forgiveness is a huge part of this. I am very passionate about my advocacy work and helping anyone I can. If I don't accept people for who they are, I can never fully benefit them, help them, give my all. Acceptance without judgement is such a fulfilling thing and something that isn't always easy to do.
2013 is going to be a great year. Most of all, I'm looking forward to growing inside so I can be better for those on the outside. These are my resolutions, I have been working on them for a very long time however, I'm not where I want to be...yet. That's why I chose them as my resolution. Their working for me and can only make me better if I keep doing my part.
Have a happy, blessed and safe 2013!!
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