Safe Sex

Safe sex is something we all need to be educated about from the time we are old enough to have sex.  Sex is a normal, biological act however, humans like to make it a dirty, bad, negative thing.  If you throw religion or politics in the mix, you have a big, confusing mess that greatly misinforms and can be potentially dangerous to the health and well being of humans.  Sex is a survival mechanism, the Limbic  System, which regulate our feelings, including love and lust, emotions, impulses and drives among countless others, can't possible by regulated, judged or changed by politicians or religious people.  God gave us this system along with hormones such as dopamine, a feel good hormone and oxytocin, the cuddle hormone.  He didn't make us biologically made for sex just to tell us not to have it or have laws regulation it.

That being said, I'm writing this from the view point of a parent, sex worker and supporter of sex education and safe sex.  I believe that we as a society has got to get a better grip and safe sex and educating our youth and even adults in our society.  With the way things are going, we are going to be less and less able to afford STD's and HIV treatment, teen pregnancies and more people on welfare due to unexpected children.  Religious leaders have got to stop quilting people into think sex is bad or goes against God.  I believe it doesn't.  What we have been doing isn't working, we still have issues that go along with unsafe sex or lack of sex education.

As a parent, I want my kids to be educated about EVERYTHING in this world, the good and the bad.  Of course, it's very important to keep things age friendly.  As far as sex goes, I feel that if I don't make sure my children are educated, someone else will and it could be in a bad way.  It's my job to protect my children and raise them to be responsible, productive, healthy and happy adults.  If I took the advice of the Pope (no disrespect to him), I would be teaching my children not to use condoms when they decide to have sex.  Kids are going to experiment with sex in one way or another.  I certainly don't teach my kids to go into the world and get naked with every person they see.  I teach them about their bodies, respecting themselves and others and when they feel their ready, to be safe.  When my son had his first girlfriend, he came to me and told me he wanted to have sex with her and asked me for condoms.  Being the protective Mama Bear I am, I gave him at least 30 condoms and told him to let me know if he needed more.  The look on his face was priceless.  I patted myself on the back a little...I try to keep open communication with my children and I feel, at least in this case, it worked.  Failing to educate my children will be to fail them.  I'm not willing to fail my children.

When I was in high school, I went to a high school in Mississippi for my sophomore year.  Going to small school in the south from a school in the Chicago suburbs was like going from Chicago to Mars for me, it was just so different and clearly not anywhere the same as far as sex education.  Sex education was a part of our normal curriculum since 5th grade in Illinois.  I remember only one pregnant teen in high school my freshman, junior and senior year.  During my one year in Mississippi, which does not require sex ed in the schools, it was common, teens had babies at home, babies on the way or were planning to have babies.  One teen even told me that she got pregnant to show her mother how responsible she was.  I was totally lost, I couldn't wrap my head around this.  This culture went against everything I was ever taught or lived.  The best most schools that do offer sex education in Mississippi do normally is to teach abstinence-only programs, according to thinkprogress.org.  Abstinence-only programs are only as effective as teaching kids eating an apple will keep you from getting pregnant, they simply don't work.  Mississippi has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the nation. New Mexico has no sex education requirements, they have the second highest teen pregnancy rate.  New Hampshire, on the other hand, requires comprehensive sex education in their schools that includes abstinence, condoms and contraception, according to thinkprogress.org and they have the lowest rate of teen pregnancy.  I don't think this is a coincidence.  Studies show that teens who have comprehensive sex ed in their schools are 60% less likely to get pregnant.

In the porn industry, we are very protective of our bodies, contracting an STD can mean the end of our shooting careers.  No one wants to get sick.  We are tested regularly and we don't have to work with anyone we might think is irresponsible in their personal lives.  Most performers I know are very careful in their personal lives.  We either use protection or are only with one partner.  Although most of us do bareback on camera, we are not advocating for unsafe sex.  With all the measures we can take to keep ourselves safe, condoms, monogamous personal relationships, testing, we can never eliminate the risk of disease or pregnancy, only minimize it.  I have never had and STD and I wasn't a teen mom, I credit that fact to my education and knowledge that started in the 5th grade.

Humans have been well aware of STD's for a very long time now.  according to today.com, condoms can be dated back to 1000 BC when Egyptian men used linen sheaths to protect against disease.  in the 1700's, animal intestines were referred to as "cobweb against infection".  In the 1800's, rubber became the popular material to make condoms out of and in the 1900's, we started using latex.  In the 1950's, we started widely marketing condoms.   Since then, we got even more creative and now we have condoms made of polyurethane, their thinner and stronger, and we have various shapes, sizes, colors and even flavors.  It's a beautiful thing.  We have known for a very long time how STD's are spread and pregnancy occurs.  STD's know no gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.  To think that avoiding sex with a certain group of people is a safe way to keep us healthy is plain ignorant. 

It doesn't matter who you're having sex with, if we are not aware of the risks and are careless, we might as well play Russian Roulette.  If we don't educate our children, we are doing nothing short of putting the gun to their heads.  This isn't political or religious, it's human safety and health as well as biology and psychology.  It's better to make informed, educated decisions than to ignore this natural subject and watch our youth and ourselves get hurt.

God Bless!!

Reflections

Lately I've been struggling with some personal issues and through all this, my higher power and Buddhist beliefs and practices have helped me through and helped me to get through my struggles and grow into a stronger, healthier, happier and more spiritual person than before my struggles.  I'm not trying to tell people to believe or practice as I do, those are things that are personal from person to person and no one has the right to judge or put down the spiritual beliefs of another.  I've recently learned of a few things that were key to getting me through my struggles in a healthy, productive way.

Meditation has been a great coping mechanism for me.  I first learned how to do this from a psychologist I was seeing.  Her name was Diane.  I was looking for coping mechanisms for my anxiety disorder besides drugs.  I hate drugs.  This woman introduced me to meditation and other Buddhist practices and, as far as I'm concerned, gave me life tools that saved my soul as well as my ass.  I still meditate and will always continue to do so.  I connect with my higher power and the powers in the universe, my mind clears, I'm still and relaxed on the inside and I can cope with life much better.

Acceptance is necessary.  There's too many people judging others, putting them down, defining others by their mistakes or faults and allowing no redemption or the positive parts of them to shine through.  I accept someone for all they are, their faults and positive attributes without judgements.  To accept someone is not always to allow them in your life.  I doesn't even mean you have to like them. There have been times when it was necessary to remove someone from my life because they were toxic.  If someone is harmful to me in any way, physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc, the responsible thing to do is to remove them from my life.  I can still accept that they are who they are and not put them down or hurt them.  Acceptance does not mean you agree with what someone does or who they are, it just means we realize the truth about them, accept them as they are then decide if they get the privilege of being a part of our personal world.

Personal responsibility is something that is getting harder and harder to find in this country.  I absolutely refuse to fall into the trap of not taking responsibility for myself, my kids, the life I've created.  I don't expect the government to bail me out when I screw up.  In fact, I don't want the government that involved in my life.  My life...the good, the bad, the ups and the downs, are all results of my actions, decisions and the Karma I've created for myself.  When I make a mistake and make a bad decision that creates bad Karma for myself or causes other negative things in my life, it's my job to take personal responsibility for myself by admitting to and correcting my mistake.  I have learned to diversify my source of income, it's dangerous these days to have one job or one source of income.  We all need multiple skills and ways to make money and take care of ourselves.  It's also my responsibility to spend them money I'm blessed with wisely.  I brought 2 people into this world.  It's not the government's job to make laws regulating how I raise them, what I teach them, etc.  That is all my responsibility.  I refuse to live an unhealthy lifestyle and end up sick or unable to be here for those who need me.  It's my responsibility to take the best care of myself I can so I can be here for my loved ones.  I can go on and on about things I need to be personally responsible for.  In a nutshell, I'm responsible for myself and my entire life.  Action is what I need to do every day.

Keeping an attitude of gratitude. is so necessary in this materialistic world.  It seems to common to define ourselves and allow others to define us on material things, income, or other ridiculous things.  I am grateful for what I have and I count my blessings every day.  I keep a gradated journal, it helps me to stay grounded and focused on what is really important in life.  The more I realize how blessed I am, the less I put my happiness in things I don't have.  I have come to realize that I'm one blessed human being.  I find myself smiling and singing while doing laundry or running errands.  When you really appreciate what you have, epically the little things, your psyche changes.  Gratitude is necessary for happiness to occur. 

For me, public service, helping others, giving even when I feel I don't have anything to give does something inside me that I can't explain.  I do a lot of my giving through the work I do in the sex worker world however, I do give outside of that world also.  I involve my children in helping also, outside of the sex worker world, of course.  Helping someone, even if it's just a conversation or passing along information, does wonders for my soul.  I know I was put on this earth to do what I do.  Doing what I authentically was made to do is a huge blessing.  My higher power made me to be a sex worker and fighter for sex worker rights as well has help (not enable) others.  I am grateful for the skills I have been given to do what I do.

These are a few things that have carried me through hard times.  They seem so simple but carry great powers when put them into place with the right intentions.  I haven't taken drugs for my anxiety in years, I don't need to.  Of course, it's more work to take care of myself than popping a pill is.  Hard work and dedication to myself and everything I believe in has a much greater pay off than any medication.  I'm still learning and growing.  I'm excited about my life and my future.  The little I know and put into practice has had profound and positive effects on my life, I have a lot to be excited about as I continue to learn and grow.

Happy 2013!!

Happy New Year!!  I'm really excited about moving into 2013, I know this year is going to be amazing.  As with all amazing things, what is going on inside me is where all good things start in my life; so my I have made my New Years Resolution one that will support all my goals.  My resolution is to grow through mindfulness, inner peace, love and acceptance.  I can't be my best at anything if I'm not at my best inside first.  I've been working on the mindfulness for a very long time now and I must say, it's been amazing going through the awakenings and changes that I've experienced so far.  Simply being mindful is a strong life skill.

Inner peace...something I haven't always had and never realized I didn't have until I had it.  This was a very unusual experience for me.  I've always been strong, driven, confident, smart.  I though I was everything I needed to be, most of the time.  Of course, we all have moments of insecurity, doubt, fear, etc.  For the most part, the good things far out weighed the bad and I thought I was just fine. The only thing that held me back was an anxiety disorder which I saw as a nascence most of the time.  After years of therapists, psychologists, medications, and no real results, I was blessed with one last psychologist.  This woman was amazing.  She was different.  I saw a light and spirit in her that I don't see in many people.  I opened up to her about all I am, all I do, all of me.  In return, this woman starting introducing me to different coping mechanisms different from any other I've experienced or known.  As we progressed, I realized the practices that worked best for me were rooted in Buddhism.  At that point, I started studying Buddhism and eventually became a Buddhist.  Not only did practicing Buddhism almost eliminate my anxiety, without drugs, but it opened my  mind, heart and spirit.  I realize I was missing a piece to the puzzle and didn't even know it.  I can now say I have true inner peace, the missing tool.  I have Buddhism and Diana, the psychologist I was blessed with by my higher power to thank.

When I say love, I'm talking about more than simply giving and receiving love to and from others.  I'm thinking on a deeper level.  How I treat people, my thoughts, my actions, I want love to be in all I do.  I realized that if you put a little love in what you do, big things happen.  I practiced treating people whom I find difficult, annoying and mean with love.  I have to admit that when I first put this into practice, it wasn't will my full heart and for selfish reasons only.  I was working on myself and only went through the motions while biting my tongue when attempting to deal with people with love.  It didn't take long to realize that I was getting positive results when I faking it.  I began to wonder, what if I did it for real?  What if I really put my heart and spirit into treating people with love?  I gave it a try, still not at 100%, and the results were more amazing.  I now put my heart and spirit in my interactions with my fellow humans.  The thing I don't do is always do it 100%, with my full heart and spirit.  My goal with love in to get closer to 100%, even with the difficult people that I have decided I don't care for.

I have found acceptance to be the easiest thing to do.  I learned a long time ago that if I accept people for all they are, I have less dislike for them.  I don't have to like them or agree with all they do, say feel, think, etc.  I just accept that they are who they are.  After I accept them in full, I can make a decision to keep them in my little world or peacefully remove them.  I have a clearer mind, I can make the decision to keep or remove them without regret, wonder or looking back.  The key to acceptance is to accept without bias.  If I don't accept anyone without bias, I can never be truly accepting of them.  Without accepting others as a whole, for all they all, I can never know them for all they all and make a good decision about keeping them in my world or removing them from it.  Part of removing someone is removing them without anger, resentment or any negative feelings for them, it's simply letting them go and moving on.  Forgiveness is a huge part of this.  I am very passionate about my advocacy work and helping anyone I can.  If I don't accept people for who they are, I can never fully benefit them, help them, give my all.  Acceptance without judgement is such a fulfilling thing and something that isn't always easy to do.

2013 is going to be a great year.  Most of all, I'm looking forward to growing inside so I can be better for those on the outside.  These are my resolutions, I have been working on them for a very long time however, I'm not where I want to be...yet.  That's why I chose them as my resolution.  Their working for me and can only make me better if I keep doing my part.

Have a happy, blessed and safe 2013!!

It's been a rough week for me emotionally, the Newtown shooting is really pulling at my heart.  I've been praying for those people multiple times a day since it happen.  I feel so helpless, what else can most of us do besides pray and donate money?  I've never experienced something so distant causing me to have such strong emotions.  I want to hug and kiss my kids just a little tighter...I get to have them for Christmas.  I can't imagine having presents hidden in my house for my children and their not going to be there; walking in their bedrooms or getting up in the morning to get them ready for school only to be reminded that they will never be home again.  I keep remembering my children when they were 5 and 6, I get to have happy, loving memories.  My children got to grow beyond kindergarten safely.  My heart goes out to the parents who lost their little ones.  Do we wish them a Merry Christmas knowing that it's not going to be so Merry this year? 

The teachers in Newtown are amazing heroes, they protected their kids the best they could and some, along with the principle and others, lost their lives protecting the little ones.  I've always felt teachers should be among the highest paid and respected in our communities, they are teaching our children, out future.  They do so much more than just teach, they end up being counselors, providers for those who don't have, a shoulder to cry on and now have proven to be heroes and protectors.  I have the highest respect for teachers in our communities.

No one is going to walk away from this situation without being effected.  I've paid attention to news stories, both mainstream and otherwise, and the changes this shooting is going to have in individuals, communities and the country as a whole are so obvious.  The kindergartners and others who experienced this are going to be forever changed. I heard someone read a letter that a child wrote to his dead best friend.  A Sunday school teacher had children missing from her class while other children had a hard time being there or simply couldn't go.  What about children in other activities with their friends such as scouts, dance, sports, etc.  Can you imagine being a little 5 year old and part of your normal routine is to go next door and play with your friend or have your buddy spend the night on the weekends and now that friend is gone never to walk the earth again?  Everyone needs to keep a close eye on the mental and psychological health or each other, the adults and children.  Losing someone your expect to lose is hard enough.  Losing a mass group of people in a way that takes the safety in safe places away and your security in you community is now questionable can really destroy a human being.

Among the heroes in the situation, Bikers have my respect and thanks.  Being from the Midwest, growing up in the Chicago suburbs and now living in the Milwaukee area, I already have a deep respect for bikers, it's in my blood.  Seeing that bikers went to Newtown and formed a human barrier to keep the crazy Westboro Baptist Church from picketing at the funerals and vigils just increases my list of personal heroes.  I wish I could shake every one of their hands and say thank you, they displayed strength, compassion, courage and most of all, protected those who couldn't protect themselves from bullets from being victims once again.  They made sure the families and loved ones of the victims had the opportunity to pay their last respects and give the ones who passed on a proper funeral.  Thank you to all the bikers, I will always respect and love you for what you did.

The Westboro Baptist Church...ugh...some of the most evil, closed minded, unloving people I have ever heard of in my life.  I really feel the need to remind everyone not to judge all Baptists from Westboro's ignorant actions of hate.  I come from a long line of Southern Baptists (I am now Buddhist)  and not one of them support or agree with Westboro's actions.  Westboro is an insult to Baptists everywhere.  I don't care how holier-than-thou you think you are, there is NEVER a reason to picket funerals or vigils.  They say God sent the shooter in response to Connecticut's Gay Marriage Law.  Who in their right mind would link Gary Marriage with the deaths of so many innocent people?  James Dobson also used the deaths as a platform for his views on Gay Marriage, abortion and other issues. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/westboro-baptist-church-picket-connecticut-school-shooting_n_2312186.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/17/james-dobson-connecticut-shooting- gay-marriage_n_2318015.html

What the hell is wrong with these cold hearted opportunists?  Vigils, funerals and horrible, tragic events are NOT a platform to cram your beliefs and cruelty down our throats.  How can you look a parent in the eye that just lost a child and has had to be strong for their other children, family members and community and tell them that their child was murdered because of all these political and religious issues.  God did not kill those children, what the hell is wrong with these idiots?  Westboro Baptist Church, in my opinion, is a HATE group.  Their actions have stirred up negative emotions, anger and hate.  Nothing good came from them as well as James Dobson. 

I have had my own struggles through this, I've had to turn off the TV, avoid articles, remove myself from conversations, etc.  to help myself deal with this tragedy.  The fact that I can do these things is a blessing, the parents and loved ones of the victims don't have those options.  They can't remove themselves from the situation, they can't escape.  There is no break from the grieving, funeral planning, supporting each other, etc.  They can't drive down the street and not see reminders of that horrible day.

I wish I could do more than pray and donate.

Elementary School Shooting Today

I have no words to describe how horrible the shooting in Connecticut has to be, it brings tears to my eyes.  This one was at an elementary school...young children...how are they going to feel safe enough in this world to go back to school or a store or even feel safe in their own homes?  How do you console a parent that has rushed to school knowing there was a shooting and finding out that your child was a victim??  These parents send their kids to school and shortly after that you find out that your child is dead.  I can't imagine being a child in that situation, hearing the gunshots and screams, seeing your friends get shot or not knowing if your friends are alive.  I can't imagine being a teacher there, trying to protect your class, keeping calm while the gunshots are going off.  This is so sickening. 

http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-connecticut-school-shooting-20121214,0,3154787.story

I'm currently watching the President Obama address this right now.  He is obviously shaken up and emotional about this. He has had to pause several times to get through his speech and simply walked off when he was done.  I'm sending prayers his way, there is going to be pressure on him to take action.  He's going to have to work through this and make good decisions while dealing with his own emotions. I don't support a lot of his politics however, I give him credit for addressing the nation and responding to this.  This is a time to put differences aside and support each other through this.  Obama is a father and is still human, there is no way he, along with all the humans on this planet, can't be upset right now. 

My own children are in school as I write this.  Part of me wants to run to their schools as fast as I can and take them out of school, take them home and just love them and keep them home, with me and safe.  Unfortunately, this isn't an options.  We can't allow criminals to control us like that.  We can't give our power away to them, regardless if their dead or alive.

I wanted to go on with this blog however, I need to walk away for now.  I just heard there are 20 children confirmed dead.  I need to take a break, this is too much for me.  I am the lucky one, I can turn off the TV, walk away from the school and get my head together.  The victims, survivors and officials on that scene don't have that choice.  This will forever be a part of who they are.

It's the same ol' issue every year!!!

It's December!!  That's an awesome, December means Christmas and my birthday!!!  Although I appreciate my birthday being in December, I haven't always appreciated it.  When I was a kid, I always got ripped off.  My birthday parties were smaller because money was tighter during the holidays.  I absolutely hated that most years I got one present for both Christmas and my birthday. My brothers all had birthdays months away from Christmas so they got the bigger parties and 2 presents for the 2 events...them lucky boys!!   Having my birthday exactly a week before Christmas wasn't always a blessing, at least not in my mind.  Now, it is.  I love the change of seasons, warm comfort food, hot chocolate, all the Christmas decorations and parties.  Call it age, but staying home with loved ones on a cold December's night while eating warm comfort food and drinking hot chocolate (possible with a little Baileys) has become the best way to spend my birthday :)

There is another December tradition I'm not so fond of.  Since the schools have pushed God out, they get very upset if you use words like "Merry Christmas".  Both of my children have been in trouble for saying this in school at one time or another.  I have had to correct teachers, principles, and other school employees on this.  Don't misunderstand me here, I have the highest respect for those who educate our youth, that's one tough job.  There are issues, like with the rest of us, the "school officials" are simply wrong on.  On the occasions my children have been told not to wish someone a Merry Christmas because it will offend someone and religious holidays aren't allowed in our schools.  That little rule only lasted as long as it took me to get to the school and correct everyone.  First of all, Separation of Church and State is NOT in the Constitution.  I've had to explain this to a history teacher at one time.  Separation of Church and State is in a writing by Thomas Jefferson and all it was meant to say was the state can not tell the church how to worship.  Here is an excerpt from his letter:

"I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State."



The "wall" was a metaphor for keeping government form interfering with religious practice.  He references the First Amendment in his writing however, Separation of Church in State isn't in the First Amendment as so many tried to make me believe.  In fact, the Amendment puts restrictions on the government, NOT the people.  What we think of as Separation of Church and State today is a total misinterpretation.  The Constitution however, does protect our right to free speech and freedom of religion.  Therefore, my kids CAN and WILL without punishment say the words "Merry Christmas".

Of course, we want to teach our kids to be respectful of others.  They will say "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Holidays" when they are aware of another person's different beliefs.  They also are not offended if someone says the same to them.  It's all meant to with someone well and no one can take that right away Isn't that more important than some uptight prick getting all bent out of shape over someone wishing him a Merry Christmas??

Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Feliz Natividad

Have a blessed Holiday Season!!!

I hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving, I know I did!  Of course, like with every other holiday, I cooked way too much food!!  I looks like I'm going to making a big pot of Turkey soup and canning it...that's not a bad thing :)

As I'm sure lots of us do during this time of year, I was reflecting on my blessings and I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have 2 great kids who are very smart and talented.  My son is starting college next year and my daughter is starting high school.  I have a great family and friends that loves and accepts me for all I am and believe me, I'm a lot to accept!!  I have some great activist and educational opportunities coming up, I'm super excited about that!!  I got my new Bath and Body Works fragrances in the mail, I'm caught up on laundry, I can go on forever.  I recently started a gratitude journal.  I'm all about having a healthy spirit and the journal, although it's new to , has already helped.

Thanksgiving also brings back memories for me.  As a child, we spent most of our Thanksgiving taking a road trip to Mississippi to visit the family.  There's nothing like a southern-style Thanksgiving dinner and being spoiled by your grandparents for a week.  In my early 20's, I went to Missouri with my kids to spend Thanksgiving with my grandfather, this is the greatest man I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  He made one hell of a ham dinner and, in his classic style, continued to show me what a real man way.  I have yet to find anyone who measures up to him although a few have come close.

Today was Black Friday, I didn't make the best decision today.  I hate shopping on Black Friday so I never go, I normally do my shopping online.  I needed my nails done so I made my appointment for today and the salon I go to is in the mall.  I had to park in a parking lot next to the mall's lot and walk in the cold to the mall.  I was a little early do I thought I would get some hot chocolate while waiting for my nail tech to be ready for me.  That took about 45 minutes.  I don't like overcrowded places or waiting in line for anything.  After it was all said and done, I was back in the cold walking back to my car which was parked in a far away land.  Needless to say, I came home and I've been here all day!! 

With all that aggravation, I stayed in a good mood and just kept thinking good thoughts and counting my blessings.  My car ran well and kept me warm to and from the mall, my nail tech is awesome and did a stellar job as usual, I'm fortunate enough to be able to get my nails done, the hot chocolate was yummy, the salon wasn't busy, etc, etc.

Life is good and it is full of blessings :)